Struggling

Being a single mom truly sucks at times. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my life and where I currently am. Nobody talks about the struggles and the hard times that come along with being a single mom. I did not come from a wealthy family, and I did not have support from my family to acquire the things I have now. I literally have had to work and make sacrifices for myself and many others along the way. I have carried and I have helped so many people even while I was struggling to help myself. I just think that this is the part that no one wants to talk about. The uncomfortable part is when you're unable to provide a adequate life for yourself and your children. No one talks about the decisions you have to make to choose between paying a bill which is a necessity or putting food on the table so that you and your children won't starve. No one talks about the single mom having to make a way out of no way to provide a life for themselves and their children. It is so disheartening to have to struggle in silence and not have the physical help that you need to sustain a life. I look at my children and I know that they a true blessing from God but the hardships I face to provide for them are traumatic. 

I don't sleep well at night knowing I can't go out and get a regular job like everyone else because I have a responsibility and duty to my children first. I know that my financial situation would change in an instant if I could work many jobs to provide for them. I simply cannot go out and do that, so I now have to get creative and find ways to create secondary income so that me and my children won't be homeless. I have many thoughts on this and this is why I created this blog so that single moms can have a safe space to come and talk, vent, cry or scream even. I feel as though we are jugged harshly for having children when we didn't sign up to be single parents. You can't force the hands of another grown adult to uphold their end of the bargain. You can't force another grown adult to do the right thing by helping with their responsibility. You have no control over how someone else lives or how they choose to make choices and decisions. 

Sometimes I feel so unworthy because I am not financially stable that I sometimes feel as though I shouldn't date due to my financial struggles. When I date, I am not looking for someone to take care of me and my children, but I am looking for someone to give me some support when I am in need. I don't ask for help, but I am a giving person who can't help but to help even if I am in a situation where I can't. I struggle with understanding why am I having a hard time receiving help when I have given so much in all areas to so many people. I am not a person who is a leech or a person who takes advantage of others I help when I see there is a need or when I am asked for help. 

I am a big believer in God and him sending me help and me being right where I am supposed to be. I am human don't we all struggle? Aren't we worthy of being helped? I just have so many thoughts and I don't want to be viewed as someone who complains or is ungrateful for the things that I already have. Life as a single mom sucks, and it is not easy to manage a life and a living. I am doing everything I possibly can on my end to gain financial freedom and to create a life of wealth and legacy for myself and my children. Faith without works is dead but you also have to know when to be still to allow God to work on your behalf. 

When your bank account is empty it hits you. When you don't have gas in the car to take your children to school it hits you. When your utilities are threatening to be shut off because you have had to priortize feeding your children or putting gas in the car or paying a bill to keep you all afloat. It truly sucks and it is a wake-up call that you're struggling. It makes you question yourself as a mother and parent to children who didn't ask to be brought into a life like the one, you're providing. I know that my children don't know that we are struggling because they are little, but I know that we are struggling, and it hurts me to not be able to provide an adequate life for them. 

I am not okay, and I should be able to say that without fear of judgment of having less than to help my family. There has to be a better way than this way. I am truly tired, and I can empathize with mothers who have had to make hard choices and decisions in order to care for their children and families. I hope that this helps someone know that they are not alone in this fight. I pray that we all find peace and healing from things that are hard to talk about. I pray that we all find solace and peace in our situations, and I also pray that God sends up the help we need to cross over. God, I pray that you send the help that me and my boys need to make it.